As She Was
by CenasNakedInMyBedWithMe
Summary: She left him over a year ago and Jeff Hardy can't seem to let go of her memory.


Jeff sat alone in the dark. The only light illuminating the room was the candles that burned on the mantel. Sort of his own make shift shrine to the woman he loved. 

The woman he missed. 

The woman he couldn't let go. 

The memories that he couldn't leave alone.

It had been over a year since he painted the portrait of Lita that hung above his fireplace. It was the only thing that remained, the last memento he had. Jeff had no way of knowing that her mother would show up and take everything that she had left behind or he would have taken great care to hide the most important things. However, she had cleaned the house of every picture, every piece of clothing, everything that was Lita's.

Sure, he had some letters and cards that Li had given him over their years together. He had the t-shirt that she last slept in and the pillow she slept on even though her scent had faded. Just knowing it was _hers_ was a comfort to him. He had the house they shared together for four years and the one thing that hurt him the most. 

The engagement ring still sitting on his dresser, just the way he had left it sitting over a year ago. He remembered that night as if it was yesterday. Lita was flying in from Cancun where she had spent the last three days doing a special divas photo shoot. And Jeff couldn't wait to see her because he had such a special night planned for them. And one phone call had changed it all.

--

_Lita reluctantly dialed her cell phone and waited for Jeff to answer. Usually his voice brought a smile to her face but this time she had some news that she was reluctant to tell him. "Hey baby. I have some bad news." She paused._

_"Let me guess. They talked you into taking some nude photos that are going to surface all over the internet by tonight?"_

_Even though he couldn't see her, she rolled her eyes and smiled. "No Jeff, it's worse."_

_"Worse?" _

_"I'm sorry. I know you made plans but it rained during our shoot today so they need me, Torrie and Trish to stay so they can get some more shots. Hopefully I can talk them into getting to me first so I can at least make a later flight and hopefully get there in time."_

_Jeff leaned back in his chair. "It's ok sweetheart. It's not your fault. Call me with your flight details so I can pick you up at the airport."_

_The disappointment in his voice melted her heart. Some days she really hated her job but there was nothing she could do unless she could convince the crew to work something out and take another creative direction. "I'll call but you as soon as I find something out. Ok, I need to run and see what's on the rest of the schedule for the day. I love you!"_

_"I love you more." He held the phone until the dial tone buzzed in his ear._

_--_

_He spent the next hour staring at the round diamond ring in front of him. He thought about the things he wanted to say and if she would laugh once, he got down on his knee. In his mind, he could see his actions and her reactions. Her hazel eyes would light up before filling with tears and she would throw her arms around his neck almost knocking him over, as her red hair would fly into his face. He could practically smell her shampoo. _

_There was no need to cook the dinner he had planned because he didn't know what time she would be home. But it was ok because Lita would be just as happy with a pizza or leftovers. Although Jeff really wanted to do something special. _

_He had a bottle of expensive champagne chilling in the refrigerator, which was definitely special since both of them preferred whatever liquor could be bought at the local corner liquor store. _

_The dogs had been bathed and groomed and were told to be on their best behavior which to this point was working out just fine. Jeff installed the special lights over the painting of Lita that he did for her on her birthday and now it had an angelic effect. _

_He walked around the house checking everything one last time. Everything was perfect except that she still hadn't called and he was both nervous and anxious. He had half the mind to scrap his plans, fly down to Mexico, and surprise her. But with his luck, he would miss her by minutes. Therefore, he decided to wait. _

_The dogs ran circles around Jeff alerting him that they needed to go outside and he grabbed the cordless extension before heading out the back door. The humid night air was thick as a streak of lightening bolted across the sky. And a boom of thunder caused the dogs to bark and run back to the deck. Jeff walked back into the house and flipped on the weather channel. One could never be too cautious when it came to severe weather in North Carolina. The station was running alerts for his county, which was under a severe thunderstorm warning and a tornado warning until midnight. He decided to call his brother first and make sure he and his dad knew of the warning. Then he decided to call Lita and tell her that she might not be able to get a flight into Raleigh even if she wanted to._

_He walked over to the window and watched as the storm grew closer and dialed the phone. Of course, there was no answer and he left her a message on her voice mail. Jeff finally decided to lie on the couch and try to relax while he waited out the storm and waited for Li to call him back. _

_He hadn't meant to, but he fell asleep and dreamt of their wedding. Lita wore a simple white dress and looked like an angel. He had never seen her look more beautiful as she walked toward him with a smile on her face. THey were surrounded by friends and family and their love couldn't have been stronger. The preacher announced them husband and wife and just as his lips were nearing hers in their first kiss as Mr. and Mrs. Jeff Hardy, the pounding on the door and the dogs barking woke him up. _

_Matt was standing there in the pouring rain. The look on his face spoke volumes as he pushed past Jeff into the house._

_"Man, what's up your scaring me? Is dad ok?" Jeff asked in near panic._

_Matt's eyes were red and it was obvious he had been crying. His voice shaky as he began to speak. "Jeff, there's no way to make this easy on you. It's Lita. She's been in a car accident."_

_Jeff shook his head. "No, that's impossible. She's in Mexico for the stupid divas magazine shoot. I just talked to her earlier and she got stuck there until she can catch a later flight."_

_Matt wiped away the rain from his face. "Jeff, Lita got an earlier flight and wanted to surprise you. She called me and told me to make sure you didn't go anywhere and to check on the weather. Her flight had landed when she called about an hour and a half ago. She was at the car rental counter about to head home."_

_"Is she ok? Where is she?" Jeff asked as she started to grab his keys off the table._

_Matt's head dropped and tears filled his eyes. "The state trooper said she was going over the speed limit and hit a water pocket which sent her careening into a tree. She died instantly."_

_"NO! NO!" Jeff screamed as he backed away from Matt and into the wall. Jeff slid down to the floor and broke into sobs. There was no consoling him. Matt simply sat by his baby brother his own heart breaking as he had basically lost a sister and watching Jeff suffer was killing him. They sat there for what seemed like the longest ten minutes before Jeff ever spoke. "Where is she?"_

_"Jeff."_

_"Where did they take her?"_

_Matt leaned his head back against the wall wishing he had someone there to help him. Someone to calm Jeff and talk some sense into him but the only person who could do that was Lita. "You don't want to see her Jeff. You need to remember her as she was."_

--

Tears slid down his cheeks as he reminisced. There was nothing he could do to bring her back. Nothing he could do to ease pain that was still as fresh as it was that day. He was so sure he wanted to ease the pain, because as long as he hurt it meant he still remembered her, still loved her. At least that's how he looked at it. 

Matt tried to convince him that Lita would always been in his heart and that it was ok to move on. "_She would want you to." _Matt would say. Other friends would tell him to let the past go. 

But he couldn't.

Because she was more than just his past. She was with him now in spirit and that was all he needed. He'd given up on mending his broken heart, as he preferred to keep the hurt as a reminder of her. There was nothing left for him to do but admire her in the form of the painting that hung above his fireplace.


End file.
